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Smile. This entry exists for 2 reasons- First, I want to blog about something since it's been a while. No surprises. Radiohead. What a wonderful world. Mash it up the Overdub way. Second, I have reached this state of emergency, how beautiful! I don't want to study or do some research, yet. I don't want to download anything. I'm so loving this remix compilation I got early this year. When you were a starlight, the killer muse. Arf! I can't find anything Plurk-able, forums turned boring, Ragnarok is boring!

 

Ragnarok, I love you and I am trying to enjoy you. But you're like me in Ground Floor Torre Lorenzo or Fidel Reyes and Castro Streets. I love you too much, you bore me to death, kill my time, and yet you grab me like this girl singing Kaiser Chiefs' Oh My God or Lily Allen's cover of ELO's Mr. Blue Sky. Fuck, Lost Souls Forever. How can I not love the British music scene? Rubbish aside, all else is 100% fun, the superficial, the shallow, the pretentious, the bandwagons of every supposedly in scene, scenesters and chavs included.

 

I want a big detailed map of the Philippines. Of Metro Manila, Rizal, Laguna and Bulacan first, then the rest of the Philippines later. A big one of the Sulu Archipelago. I want to concentrate on the war thingy. Okay, decapitate me for calling the war 'thingy' after learning how significant it was to the 200k Filipino casualties- generals, guerillas, collaborators and civilians. I remember 200k but don't decapitate me once more for making a mistake on the figures. Just poison me. I'm too chicken for well, the way we start butchering our poultry friends.

 

I want to get a grasp of the terrain. They say rivers, swamps, mountains and plains. It's hard. I can imagine the characters burning Paco, shelling Malabon, capturing San Pedro de Macati or occupying Mariquina with no resistance from the locals or battleships in Laguna de Bay killing retreating troops in Taguig. Not much beyond places I've been to. Maybe my first novel would be set in wartime Batangas or something. Kidding. I dunno, I'm not a very visual person, I must admit. Maybe after all these years what we have on the table is a mere glorified lucky bastard.

 

Ok I'm so enjoying the war I'd name my sons after generals. Not the kano ha, and I'm reminded of Lawton and Liwasang Bonifacio tuloy. Too many names. I'd be so poor if I have a lot of children. Some of those I'm considering- Pantaleon or Arcadio or Wenceslao. It doesn't sound telenovela or pa-conio (although most pre-guerilla period generals were from infuential clans) like Miguel or Manuel. Not as generic as Juan or as Christian sounding as Ignacio or Pio. Parang barriotic pa pero may kaastigan. Ahaha let the mother or the grand old parents decide naman kulit.

 

Next time na lang uli. When everyone's awake na I gotta put myself to sleep. And I've to be up early pa. Grr. Arf arf! I want to be a DJ so I can make lufet the sounds eh? You know, the ano. Whaaaat?

Currently listening to: clothes off (josh harris club) - gym class heroes
Currently reading: the filipino-american war,1899-1913

it has been a while. when i posted the fuwa thing 888 i barely noticed this brand new tabulas. i am liking it. i miss the old one. but i'm not gonna be like the last.fm guys who resist change seemingly solely for fuck's sake or soju. wordpress is very impressive but nothing beats tabulas when it comes to neatness. this new thing seems to go to the osx, xp or vista trend of getting that form. i like things dead, edgy and flat. ahaha. it's nice that tabulas didn't go over the top on this upgrade.

 

i am being harasd by fing trojans and shit. i hate this. i know spybot isn't gonna be enough but i've never had any issues with the bullcrap that came with bad usb drives. i can't get them cleaned once and for all- bunch of gadgets are dependent on the usb port and memory sticks. it's too technical and shit for me to act on it and at the same time it's too expensive and stupid to get rid off every single one of these items. i've wasted everything i earned for this brand spanking new computer. it's my fault. and since i never learn i'm still going to buy more pc stuff once i get my hands into more resources. i want a supercomputer.

 

avg just got rid of 43 threats out of 48. that's quite a lot. the 3 it can't get rid of are probably the toughest and the most problematic. issue temporarily resolved by now. but i need to back up the photographs and files tomorrow. music can go later. it can be ripped again anyway. the rare ones are a utorrent away. never mind that i wasted hours that can be actual months already when combined in organizing every single thing.

 

i'm going to graduate school. that's an improvement after 8 months of living life to the fullest- almost. just without much cash. i'm not sure. the scheduled interview was short and sweet. the professor and i, we conversed in haikus. i was told i am to take 2 subjects. and i've to wait for the department secretary. the process suggests that i wait 5 working days before i give gao a ring. if i'm in, and am fully knowledgeable that i really am in, do i have to wait knowing that a different department secretary had sabotaged my chances at getting into grad school last trimester? the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

 

i am rediscovering music. my cute reintroduction to the 80s and 90s led me to the 60s. and since there's so much  to know about these 6 decades, i'm doing the shortcut method. i still love this decade.

 

 

 

im addicted to fuwa. so cute. i want fuwa toy

the other day was surreal- last minute spoilers, heavy rains and very big umbrellas, strange companions, reorientation, morbid metaphors, a terrible KFC situation and an emo seatmate. i unfortunately survived it all.

if it is true, some people are working on an adaptation of this certain book i am very interested in but haven't gotten a chance of reading, yet. whew. i must do something.

i must be crazy, thinking about all these things that do not matter to people. daydreaming about journeys that will never happen.

today is an opportunity to write. no tasks to do. super lagggg in luoyang.

it has been a while. i may not be able to write entries as frequently as before. ever. but since when have i been prolific at such things? see, blogging is an artform. not really. the penultimate question is, why blog. i dunno the ultimate question.

it is a struggle when you are facing an empty entry box. this has possibly been the emptiest phase in my life. i feel like i am merely a shadow of my old self. impressions are there but my essence had been taken away, snatched by something which i don't even have an idea of.

i sleep. and eat. and walk around. play, draw, surf, take photographs. without much passion, possibly zero motivation. i go on, like that siberian farmer (as told by one of my heroes), because it's much easier to continue living albeit pointless, than say devising a strategy to end it all. then again i have scribbled this idea much more elaborately in my journal. recycling thoughts. over and over. my one trick pony of a brain.

it's true. look how they shine for you.

yellow may still be my favorite song. but i couldn't even figure out if i still have a favorite song at all. and then i remember that once fashionable austrian practice turned japanese anime ending, and that optimist title everyone down wants to be associated with. i just couldn't care about anything anymore.

and i do not want to stop. because, even if they don't flow as endlessly as words into lennon's papercup, there's still hope that these elusive useless fun thoughts may finally reveal themselves.

when was the last time i did some serious thinking? i once in a while visit a familiar corner, and its variations, hoping that something would switch that busted light bulb on. but even if i have a group or an individual for a companion, wheter i've decided to stay alone, or wished that someone familiar might show up, nothing happens. and now that i am lacking funds for this mini soul searching bullshit, i should come up with alternatives.

Currently listening to: luno - bloc party